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I walk by a grammar school on my way to work. The first day tends to be a big deal, moms parading to the school with kids in tow, cameras flashing to capture the moment. I noticed the first day this year was a bit more celebratory than years past, no doubt a result of missing the annual milestone due to the pandemic in 2020. I also noted the presence of dads, far more than I had ever seen before. They were on the fringes of the crowd, a bit unsure of their role in the event, awkwardly talking to each other. But there they were, trying to be a part of the first-day celebrations. I'm noticing the men in my therapy practice also trying to awkwardly fit into their children's lives more than they have before. One client, a father of four kids ranging in age from 16 to 6, has been the "heavy" in the family, enforcer of the household rules. Otherwise, he has spent the majority of his time working at his demanding, labor-intensive job. Parenting has been almost exclusively the domain of his wife. Some dads also feel a degree of insecurity and, as one dad admitted to me recently, shame around being a more involved dad. Brought up to be a breadwinner rather than an active parent, he feels his involvement suggests a lack of masculinity. He knows objectively this is ridiculous, but without a role model in his own father, it's a bias he carries, nonetheless. The importance of the role of an active father is not frivolous, according to research. Dads teach their children important life skills through the father-child relationship itself, as well as their advice around peer relationships, a foundation. Kids of both genders benefit enormously from engaged dads in other ways as well. Seeing men play different, flexible roles helps both boys and girls to think about their own lives with less rigidity and more optimism. Dads are crucial role models for sons, and their positive regard benefits the self-worth of daughters every bit as much. Yet the idea of an active father remains somewhat novel, despite slow shifts in gendered parenting roles. There is nothing wrong with letting your kids know you want to be more involved in their lives and get to know them better. If you are a dad who is interested in being more connected, announce that intention to your family. Let your partner know you want their support in fostering a connection with your children. This will also make the change far less confusing for the kids.

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